When I was a kid I often wore hand-me-down clothing from my older sister. My mom stayed at home and was notoriously frugal to make that work, so it was pretty much out of necessity. I never really minded this, as mom also took great care of our clothes so they didn't have holes in them and stains were treated pretty quickly.
Among the gems of my time-warp wardrobe was a pair of light green denim bell-bottom jeans. These were probably cute when my sister wore them in the mid-70s, but by 1980 they weren't exactly in demand. Still, I kind of liked the color and I didn't realize this fashion faux pas when I left the house that morning.
So you can imagine my surprise when I got a few funny looks here and there, and even a sarcastic, "HA... nice pants!" from a couple of girls a grade older than me. When I said a polite "Thank you" to them (I mistakenly took the taunt as a compliment), they laughed even harder. I was shocked, and I spent the rest of the day futilely trying to hide my pants. By the end of the day I was completely disheartened and secretly cursing my mom for making me wear them instead of just buying me a new pair of normal jeans.
After reading my story, you might think that I would be happy that the Alachua County School Board voted by a 3-2 margin to adopt a new uniform policy last night, effective at the start of the next school year. According to board member Barbara Sharpe, such a policy will "level the playing field" - so kids don't classify each other by the clothes they wear, or they won't be preoccupied by styles and brand names.
You might think again.
You see, I'm tired of over-protecting our kids' feelings. I'm all for being positive with them and encouraging good karma and sportsmanship, but when do we start preparing them for life? Instead of giving them tools to help them grow up and be confident with their looks and abilities, we're shielding them from any possible sadness or disappointment. We give every kid in the soccer league a trophy, even though some kids just aren't good athletes. We push every kid to read well beyond what they truly need to succeed, despite the fact that some kids just don't like it or aren't good at it. And now we'll make every kid look like a clerk at Blockbuster Video until they graduate from high school, just so they don't get singled out or preoccupied with D&G labels.
I learned something very important because of those hippie-dippy pants - how to stick up for myself. I wasn't getting a new pair of pants that day; we just couldn't swing it at the time, and that was the reality of the situation. And I had to admit, I did kind of like them. They were different (kind of like me, the dork that I was), and I thought the color was cool. Plus I didn't really have a choice.
So I sucked it up and eventually wore them again. And when I got a funny stare from someone I just ignored it. Or I looked them straight in the eye and smiled back at them. That usually shocked those kids; they expected an embarrassed slink-away or perhaps even tears. But they didn't get what they want, and then they left me alone. And that made me happier and more confident than any uniform could have done.
Today I wear what I want, and with confidence. I have learned what looks good AND makes me comfortable, and I wear clothing that shows who I truly am. That doesn't happen when you're shoehorned into a uniform. I also learned to hold no grudges - in fact, one of the people who commented on my pants way back when is now a Facebook friend of mine.
There are several reasons why I don't agree with uniforms. First, I haven't seen where it's such a huge disruptive problem. In fact, there is already a dress code in place and it seems to work just fine. Instead of policing spaghetti strap tops or shirt sayings as they do now, they'll just be making sure clothing is the right color and we have it neatly presented. No time saved there. Second, the school board voted for this despite an avalanche of mail from parents against the proposal, basing their vote instead on the "people they've talked to" (in other words, their friends). Third, now we have to buy TWO sets of clothing - uniforms for school, plus play/weekend clothes. Not sure how the school board thinks that this will be cheaper for the parents.
But my biggest reason is that I think we're shortchanging our kids in the long run. In life we don't get trophies merely for participating, we don't fit into academic molds of who we're supposed to be, and we don't have a dress code. Sooner or later, we have to learn how to suck it up and deal with who we are. We have to stick up for ourselves. We have to get our feelings hurt and deal with our shortcomings and experience disappointment from time to time.
As a parent, I see how hard that is to let it happen to our kids. But we have to let it happen, so we can teach them how to handle it. The uniform policy is a lazy way out, in my opinion - instead of teaching them coping skills and letting them be creative, we're washing our hands of it so we don't have to deal with it.
Barbara Sharpe, Wes Eubank and Ginger Childs, I hope you've enjoyed your tenure on the school board. And I'll be happy to help you update your resumes when you're voted out in November. For a fee, of course.
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3 comments:
If this were Facebook, I'd hit the "Like" button ;} I'm not a mom, but I heartily agree with everything you said...
WHY “NO” TO SCHOOL UNIFORMS
The right to be someone, not to be like everyone else:
The right to freedom of expression. That one’s a given. No one what’s to NOT have that right.
Will be easier on the parent:
Why should the School Board tell us parents how to parent our own child. It is the job of the parent to teach our kids proper dress in our communities. I have heard parents say it will be easier in the morning to get ready because I will not have to fight with my child about what they are going to wear. We say that is not parenting that is taking the easy road out of teaching your kids right and wrong. Talking with your kids about the way they dress is a growing process for both the child and parent.
Style:
What to stop the kids from get a Guess/ Ralph Lauren brand polo shirt vs. a Wal-Mart polo shirt. The fashion parade is still on. These shirt DO look total different. So what does that stop there with the parents still having the kids asking for the high fashion clothes? Nothing.
Bullying:
The other common theme I have heard is that it cuts down on bullying and cliques. An educator and a parent of children who have been through private school (requiring uniforms) and public schools (for high school) in Gainesville stated in the Gainesville Sun this past week, that she can assure you this is a total myth. Uniforms have absolutely no effect on bullying; students will always find ways to pick on others. Students will still separate into their own cliques no matter what they have on.
Enforcing:
You will have created a new nightmare for teachers and deans who are now going to have to enforce uniform dress code violations. Your teachers are already overworked and trying to eke out valuable teaching time, why would you add another frivolous burden to their day?
Grades and Test Scores:
A teacher wrote in the Gainesville Sun last week that she has observations concerning poor academic functioning in classrooms settings were in no way related to what a student was wearing. It was usually due to a lack of support at home, no positive role models at home, differences in intellectual functioning, and often poverty. She has yet to talk to a student who said their poor grade or participation in a class was due to what clothes other students had on.
Cost:
It is argued that uniforms will be less costly. This is truly another myth . Since many families live off hand-me-downs, Good Will and thrift shops, where will the savings be? With the way children grow, what you buy at the beginning of the school year might not fit at the end. And hand-me-downs can even be educational and is teaching our kids to be green. Also, children get clothing gifts from friends and relatives from all over the country. Should our friends and relatives have to be informed about the uniform code? Will the school help cover the cost of uniforms? Many of the school in Alaucha County are Title 1 schools. If they School board that each Title 1 child can get funds for uniforms for next year. There will be no money left to pay the already under paid teachers. Now another blow to the parents. Kids are not going to be wearing these uniforms out to hang with friends, movies, church, and playing in after school, ect. So that means the parents have to buy even more clothes for non school functions.
Comfort:
It is also supposed to be state policy that children get 30 minutes of exercise a day in school. Are collars best for vigorous exercise, especially in the Florida heat?
Karrie Munkittrick
Gainesville Parent
www.NoToPolos.com
Thank you, Carla - and Karrie, I absolutely agree! Since when is the easy way out always the right way? Saying that uniforms help avoid debate about what to wear is, in my eyes, lazy parenting. It'd also be easier for me to never let my kids go out on their own - who knows who they'll hang out with, what they'll do? If they always stay home, we won't have the arguments about where they're going or how late they can stay out. Would that be easier? Yes. But what good does that do my kids?
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