Ah, the familiar sounds of spring - birds chirping, mowers mowing, heels clicking on the dance floor. It's time for another round of Dancing With The Stars, and count my dorky self among those who waited anxiously for the cast announcement this week. This time around we're facing a competition without a Hough sibling - something that hasn't happened since Season 3. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your tolerance for excessive camera mugging and attention-hog shenanigans.
Now that the celebrities (a term that can actually be used this season) have been paired with their pros, let's begin the speculation!
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy - Well well well, they finally got her! After several requests from the producers, Ms. Alley herself is bringing her own brand of loopy insanity to the ballroom. But I think the best part of this is that she's paired with Maks. And as we all know, Maks no likey the crazy (see Debi Mazar, Denise Richards). This could be fun to watch, but sadly I get the feeling that our favorite Scientologist will not catch on quickly. Combine that with her partner's impatience and I'm sensing an early "shocker" send off a la David Hasselhoff. Please let me be wrong. Please.
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin - I love how one press account says this about Petra's casting - "A model previously linked to James Blunt and Sean Penn." I understand that it's modeling, but can we at least talk about where her image has appeared or who has photographed her? No? Only who she's banged? Lovely, press. Just for that I'm pulling for her. But I hope she's fun to watch, because Dmitry has about as much personality as my kitchen sponge.
Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff - While some 80s heartthrobs have become coke-fueled polygamist tigers with fire breathing fists (I swear I'm not making this up), Ralph Macchio has quietly gone about his life. Now known as a nice family guy who performed with the national touring production of the musical How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, he apparently has at least some dancing ability to go with his Karate Kid prowess. It's exactly the easygoing nature that can respond well to Karina's spitfire direction without taking it personally. He just might live to incorporate the Crane move in his freestyle.
Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna Trebunskaya - We cover the "legendary athlete" and "old-ish guy" slots in one fell swoop here. Leonard could move in the boxing ring and he'll be used to Anna's tough training style. But will he be able to express emotion through a face that seems Botoxed into the next decade?
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke - I've heard this guy's name in WWE news/discussion so I know he exists. Aaaaaand that's about it. But if he has even the remotest sense of rhythm and musicality, Cheryl can take him farther than most would (see Maurice Green).
Kendra Wilkinson and Louis van Amstel - Out of the three Girls Next Door, Kendra was my least favorite. With her obnoxious laugh and bitchy demeanor, I never thought she fit in with the sweet natures of Holly and Bridget. And when she got her own show I thought, "I'll never watch that crap." But I did. And... dammit, I liked her. She's so much happier and nicer with Hank, but still has that Kendra personality. She can move incredibly well and is paired with a genial yet hard-driving pro in Louis - if he gives her the right choreography, she's a lock for the finals.
Wendy Williams and Tony Dovolani - Poor Tony. He gets a great partner last fall, only to get torpedoed by the Bristol Palin Juggernaut far too soon. And now he has Wendy Williams, who along with Kirstie Alley will amp the crazy woman quotient the likes of which we've never seen. Unlike Maks, however, Tony has a more patient nature. If Wendy can move at all, she could make it for a few weeks on sheer entertainment value. At least that's what Joel McHale hopes.
Romeo and Chelsie Hightower - Let's hope the apple falls reeeeeeaaaaally far from the tree. Romeo's dad is the infamous Master P, a season 2 participant who perhaps was the worst and least enthusiastic contestant in DWTS history. (Although in his defense he was subbing for Romeo, who was originally slated for that season but got injured and had to withdraw.) Good-natured Chelsie has yet to get a partner with a natural feel for dance, so here's hoping Romeo breaks that streak for her.
Disney actress Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas - My two children have watched the Disney Channel for several years, which means of course that I can quote countless episodes of Hannah Montana and Suite Life On Deck. Yet I have no idea who Chelsea Kane is. I'm sorry, but that's pretty telling. She's partnered with Mark, who is perhaps my least favorite pro. Two strikes already for me. But Disney princesses are generally the singing-acting-dancing triple threat that stage mothers push into show business in the hopes of reclaiming their own lost glory. So unless this girl is a complete bitch, she probably has the skills to stick around for at least half the competition.
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson - He's great on my fantasy football team, but will he bring down Team Cha Cha Cha? Football players historically do well on this show, ranging from respectable finishes to championships. And Kym's back after having been pawed by Uncle Bad Touch in a mercifully short stint by David Hasselhoff. Hopefully Hines will be a bit more serious of a competitor for her.
“Psycho” Mike Catherwood and Lacey Schwimmer - No idea who this guy is. But my general rule is if you have to add an adjective to your name, you're probably not that adjective - you just like to think you are. At least he's handsome, so he's got the eye-candy factor going for him. He also has Lacey, who in my opinion is the best at tailoring choreography to a contestant's personality and strengths. Could be a dark horse for the season if he has the charisma to win over people who have never heard of him. It's been done before, most recently by Kyle Massey when he was paired with... yep, Lacey.
So what do you think? Any thoughts or early predictions? Let me know!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Proof that I think too much
A conversation between me and my 7-year-old daughter yesterday.
Her: Mommy, which is faster, hot or cold?
Me: I'm not sure - what do you mean by faster?
Her: I mean... (sigh)... I don't know - which is faster? Hot or cold?
Me: (Thinking she learned something in science, maybe?) Well, it depends. I know that molecules move faster in heat, so maybe hot. But do you mean that or something else?
Her: (sighs with exasperation) - NO, Mommy. Heat is faster, because you can CATCH a cold!
I ruined her joke. Mother of the year here!
Her: Mommy, which is faster, hot or cold?
Me: I'm not sure - what do you mean by faster?
Her: I mean... (sigh)... I don't know - which is faster? Hot or cold?
Me: (Thinking she learned something in science, maybe?) Well, it depends. I know that molecules move faster in heat, so maybe hot. But do you mean that or something else?
Her: (sighs with exasperation) - NO, Mommy. Heat is faster, because you can CATCH a cold!
I ruined her joke. Mother of the year here!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The grinch's heart grew two sizes today... and then broke
Okay, typically I'm not a big sap when my kids show signs of growing up. More than once I've heard from other mom friends, "Why can't they stay little forever?" but I've never been able to wrap my head around the sentiment.
Case in point - a coworker/friend at my old job came to work the day her first child started kindergarten, and as she told me about drop-off I could hear the sadness in her voice. Having experienced this milestone with my older child I tried to comfort and encourage her, telling her how much fun her son will have and how cool it will be to see what he learns every day (all of which is completely true). And I almost had her, dammit - until another coworker came by and asked what was wrong. When we explained, she immediately took my friend in her arms and howled, "Oh NO! I'm so sorry..." as if her son needed a heart transplant. And they both proceeded to cry.
I have tried to cry. I have tried to feel that Mommy-isn't-needed sadness. But to me, milestones like this are a thing of joy and beauty. Sure, it means that they don't stay little forever. It also means I don't have to pay for daycare forever, cut their meat forever, tie their shoes forever, cart them around to sports/rehearsals/friends' houses forever, etc. Even more importantly, I get to bear witness as they become who they are destined to be. With each passing year I see more clearly the kind of person they are and what they might do once they go out into the world. It fills me with pride and makes me hopeful as their generation inches closer and closer to leading us.
So you can imagine my surprise this morning when I asked my sixth-grade son if he wants me to chaperone his trip to the Medieval Faire in a couple of weeks. Normally with both of my kids, the mere hint that I'll chaperone a field trip elicits whooping and hollering and enthusiastic thank yous from whichever offspring I have asked. This morning, however, was not like other mornings.
Me: Here's the field trip form for the Medieval Faire - want me to chaperone? (poises pen to check "Yes" on the form)
Him: (hesitates) Oh, yeah. Um. Well...
Wow.
He doesn't want me to go. And it's quite obvious.
So I nonchalantly put the pen down and say, "That's okay. You can think about it for a day or so; it's not due until Thursday."
Yeah, that didn't seem to make him any more comfortable. So now it's really obvious that he doesn't want me there, but he's trying to not come out and say it because he doesn't want to disappoint me. I assure him that if he'd rather I not go on this trip, he can just say so and I'm completely fine with it.
So... he does. In a very sweet and considerate way, but he does. And I have to admit, it made me pretty sad.
Granted, I'm still trying to figure out if it's because my presence is no longer wanted by my son, or if I'd rather pay the $5 chaperone admission price for the Faire instead of the ridiculous $14 they normally charge. But I'm guessing it's more the former. And yes - it hurts.
Still, it's a sign that he's finding his own way. Becoming his own person. And the way I see it, if they don't become more independent over time, then I'm not doing my job.
Now that would make me cry.
Case in point - a coworker/friend at my old job came to work the day her first child started kindergarten, and as she told me about drop-off I could hear the sadness in her voice. Having experienced this milestone with my older child I tried to comfort and encourage her, telling her how much fun her son will have and how cool it will be to see what he learns every day (all of which is completely true). And I almost had her, dammit - until another coworker came by and asked what was wrong. When we explained, she immediately took my friend in her arms and howled, "Oh NO! I'm so sorry..." as if her son needed a heart transplant. And they both proceeded to cry.
I have tried to cry. I have tried to feel that Mommy-isn't-needed sadness. But to me, milestones like this are a thing of joy and beauty. Sure, it means that they don't stay little forever. It also means I don't have to pay for daycare forever, cut their meat forever, tie their shoes forever, cart them around to sports/rehearsals/friends' houses forever, etc. Even more importantly, I get to bear witness as they become who they are destined to be. With each passing year I see more clearly the kind of person they are and what they might do once they go out into the world. It fills me with pride and makes me hopeful as their generation inches closer and closer to leading us.
So you can imagine my surprise this morning when I asked my sixth-grade son if he wants me to chaperone his trip to the Medieval Faire in a couple of weeks. Normally with both of my kids, the mere hint that I'll chaperone a field trip elicits whooping and hollering and enthusiastic thank yous from whichever offspring I have asked. This morning, however, was not like other mornings.
Me: Here's the field trip form for the Medieval Faire - want me to chaperone? (poises pen to check "Yes" on the form)
Him: (hesitates) Oh, yeah. Um. Well...
Wow.
He doesn't want me to go. And it's quite obvious.
So I nonchalantly put the pen down and say, "That's okay. You can think about it for a day or so; it's not due until Thursday."
Yeah, that didn't seem to make him any more comfortable. So now it's really obvious that he doesn't want me there, but he's trying to not come out and say it because he doesn't want to disappoint me. I assure him that if he'd rather I not go on this trip, he can just say so and I'm completely fine with it.
So... he does. In a very sweet and considerate way, but he does. And I have to admit, it made me pretty sad.
Granted, I'm still trying to figure out if it's because my presence is no longer wanted by my son, or if I'd rather pay the $5 chaperone admission price for the Faire instead of the ridiculous $14 they normally charge. But I'm guessing it's more the former. And yes - it hurts.
Still, it's a sign that he's finding his own way. Becoming his own person. And the way I see it, if they don't become more independent over time, then I'm not doing my job.
Now that would make me cry.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
We have hit a new low, America
I have a newfound sadness for our country. Why do I say this? Is it because we're fighting each other over whose political rhetoric is worse instead of mourning six people who have died and praying for those injured? Is it because we have scores of birds and fish dying for no apparent reason? Is it because there are so few jobs out there and so many people who need them?
No. It is because of this:
This is a new product called Forever Lazy. It is described as "adult footed pajamas" (not sure why, since they seem to end at the ankle), and they come in four colors with names like, "Asleep on the Job Grey" and "Hanky Panky Fuschia."
These seem to be made for people who think that a blanket - even one with sleeves - is too darn complicated to use. And they show actors wearing them while studying, having coffee on a deck outside and playing with animals. My favorite is when they're tailgating before a football game. Yes, outside. In public. They look like Teletubbies on a bender.
But, you ask, what if you have to go to the bathroom? (By the way, that question makes you smarter than anyone who would buy Forever Lazy.) No problem, because - I kid you not - they have included strategically placed zippers for such an occasion. Witness:
I'll give you a minute to erase that thought from your brain.
Go ahead, I'll wait.
Ready to move on? Good. So there you have it. The decline of western civilization has begun with what amounts to a fleece prison jumpsuit. Awesome.
No. It is because of this:
This is a new product called Forever Lazy. It is described as "adult footed pajamas" (not sure why, since they seem to end at the ankle), and they come in four colors with names like, "Asleep on the Job Grey" and "Hanky Panky Fuschia."
These seem to be made for people who think that a blanket - even one with sleeves - is too darn complicated to use. And they show actors wearing them while studying, having coffee on a deck outside and playing with animals. My favorite is when they're tailgating before a football game. Yes, outside. In public. They look like Teletubbies on a bender.
But, you ask, what if you have to go to the bathroom? (By the way, that question makes you smarter than anyone who would buy Forever Lazy.) No problem, because - I kid you not - they have included strategically placed zippers for such an occasion. Witness:
I'll give you a minute to erase that thought from your brain.
Go ahead, I'll wait.
Ready to move on? Good. So there you have it. The decline of western civilization has begun with what amounts to a fleece prison jumpsuit. Awesome.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Holy Inappropriate, Batman...
I'm on the reader panel for a national magazine, and several times a month they send us questions to answer for upcoming issues. But today, I get an email from them titled:
Which cartoon character do YOU have a crush on?
Um... okay, I know sometimes an actor on a kid's show might catch our cougar-mom eyes. We're human. Totally understandable.
But a cartoon character? Count me in as morbidly curious. So I open the email and read:
"Do you sometimes watch Blues Clues with your kids just to check out Joe's sexy smile, or secretly wish the Man With the Yellow Hat on Curious George was real? Confess here: Which kids-TV star (real or animated!) do YOU have a crush on? Send your answers (include your age and city) and your answer could appear in a future issue."
I'm sorry... the Man with the Yellow Hat? Are we now so pathetic that we're lusting after a guy who lives with a monkey and dresses like a banana? (And how coincidental is that, huh?) Oh yeah, and he's NOT REAL?
Ew. Just... ew.
Which cartoon character do YOU have a crush on?
Um... okay, I know sometimes an actor on a kid's show might catch our cougar-mom eyes. We're human. Totally understandable.
But a cartoon character? Count me in as morbidly curious. So I open the email and read:
"Do you sometimes watch Blues Clues with your kids just to check out Joe's sexy smile, or secretly wish the Man With the Yellow Hat on Curious George was real? Confess here: Which kids-TV star (real or animated!) do YOU have a crush on? Send your answers (include your age and city) and your answer could appear in a future issue."
I'm sorry... the Man with the Yellow Hat? Are we now so pathetic that we're lusting after a guy who lives with a monkey and dresses like a banana? (And how coincidental is that, huh?) Oh yeah, and he's NOT REAL?
Ew. Just... ew.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Pet Peeve Hunters
My husband and I regularly watch House Hunters on HGTV, probably for the same reason I love to pick up Real Estate Guides from everywhere we visit. No, I don't have any plans to move to central Georgia, but I do like to see what your dollar gets you.
But with this curiosity comes frustration and my resulting sarcasm. Because there are some things people look for or avoid in a home that I just don't understand. So rather than be the bigger person and accept the differences we all have... I just make fun of them. It's a lot more interesting that way.
Double sinks. I cannot for the life of me figure out this obsession that so many couples seem to have. I've been married for 15 years and for the most part both of us left at about the same time to go to work. Yet I can probably count on one hand the number of times my husband and I have needed to brush our teeth at EXACTLY the same moment. This is when that whole Taking Turns unit in kindergarten comes in so handy. If it's because the wife thinks the husband is a slob, then I assume they're getting separate kitchens and bathrooms entirely, no?
Stairs. Ah, the aversion of so many parents with young children. And being a parent myself I can understand to a degree. But guess what? I grew up in a house with stairs. We have stairs in our home now. And we bought this house when I was pregnant with my second, so my baby had to learn to navigate them when she became mobile. Which meant that I had to keep an eye on her. (I know, right?) So it's a little crazy to see people freak out because a three-year-old will have to face two steps to go up from a sunken living room.
A pool. Now, I grew up with a pool so maybe I'm biased. But it's hilarious to see people lose their shit when they're looking at a house that's just perfect... only to rule it out because it had a pool. Either it's a safety concern with their kids or they break out the "It's too much trouble" argument. But these are usually the same people to fish for an invite to their neighbor's house, where a sparkling blue oasis of chlorinated relief beckons them from the backyard. Yep, I'll remember that the next time you peek your head over my fence while I'm lounging in the cool water on a 95 degree day. Enjoy your sprinklers.
A vacation home. This one almost deserves a blog entry of its own. First, I have trouble wrapping my head around the concept of a vacation home. If you're only going to be there a few times a year at most, isn't it more logical to rent a place each time? Sure, you can always rent out your own vacation home when you're not there. But then you have to hire someone to maintain it, or drive/fly down there yourself regularly. Granted, one show featured a family that travels to Morocco regularly for work and charity efforts. That I can totaly see. Otherwise, unless you're truly a multi-millionaire I don't see the point.
Second, the features they want in these homes absolutely crack me up. I saw where a family of five bought a "vacation home" that was over 3000 square feet. Really? Unless Paris Hilton is vacationing with you (in which case you'll need the room for both her luggage and the quarantine area), I can't imagine why one family needs that much space for an occasional place to stay. "Oh, this will be great for entertaining..." Entertaining who, exactly? Are you expecting to be besties with the locals? Because I'm sure all of the area merchants whose families have been there for generations are thrilled with the obnoxious American family moving into a house the size of the town square. I won't even get into their lamenting about a lack of closets (how much clothing do you need for five days?) or counter space.
So am I the only one who thinks this way?
But with this curiosity comes frustration and my resulting sarcasm. Because there are some things people look for or avoid in a home that I just don't understand. So rather than be the bigger person and accept the differences we all have... I just make fun of them. It's a lot more interesting that way.
Double sinks. I cannot for the life of me figure out this obsession that so many couples seem to have. I've been married for 15 years and for the most part both of us left at about the same time to go to work. Yet I can probably count on one hand the number of times my husband and I have needed to brush our teeth at EXACTLY the same moment. This is when that whole Taking Turns unit in kindergarten comes in so handy. If it's because the wife thinks the husband is a slob, then I assume they're getting separate kitchens and bathrooms entirely, no?
Stairs. Ah, the aversion of so many parents with young children. And being a parent myself I can understand to a degree. But guess what? I grew up in a house with stairs. We have stairs in our home now. And we bought this house when I was pregnant with my second, so my baby had to learn to navigate them when she became mobile. Which meant that I had to keep an eye on her. (I know, right?) So it's a little crazy to see people freak out because a three-year-old will have to face two steps to go up from a sunken living room.
A pool. Now, I grew up with a pool so maybe I'm biased. But it's hilarious to see people lose their shit when they're looking at a house that's just perfect... only to rule it out because it had a pool. Either it's a safety concern with their kids or they break out the "It's too much trouble" argument. But these are usually the same people to fish for an invite to their neighbor's house, where a sparkling blue oasis of chlorinated relief beckons them from the backyard. Yep, I'll remember that the next time you peek your head over my fence while I'm lounging in the cool water on a 95 degree day. Enjoy your sprinklers.
A vacation home. This one almost deserves a blog entry of its own. First, I have trouble wrapping my head around the concept of a vacation home. If you're only going to be there a few times a year at most, isn't it more logical to rent a place each time? Sure, you can always rent out your own vacation home when you're not there. But then you have to hire someone to maintain it, or drive/fly down there yourself regularly. Granted, one show featured a family that travels to Morocco regularly for work and charity efforts. That I can totaly see. Otherwise, unless you're truly a multi-millionaire I don't see the point.
Second, the features they want in these homes absolutely crack me up. I saw where a family of five bought a "vacation home" that was over 3000 square feet. Really? Unless Paris Hilton is vacationing with you (in which case you'll need the room for both her luggage and the quarantine area), I can't imagine why one family needs that much space for an occasional place to stay. "Oh, this will be great for entertaining..." Entertaining who, exactly? Are you expecting to be besties with the locals? Because I'm sure all of the area merchants whose families have been there for generations are thrilled with the obnoxious American family moving into a house the size of the town square. I won't even get into their lamenting about a lack of closets (how much clothing do you need for five days?) or counter space.
So am I the only one who thinks this way?
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