Today I learned that I'm getting better at this parenting gig.
The kids just finished winter break and went back to school a couple of days ago. While I love being with them, I usually find myself begging for the end of school vacations and wishing for peace. Not an unusual thought... but it loaded me with guilt. Why couldn't I be like many of my friends who long for a few extra days to snuggle with the wee ones? Meanwhile I was practically pushing them out the door. I became a freelancer so I could spend more time with the kids, but all I did was get frustrated and anxious.
This time, however, I vowed to schedule writing work to finish before the holidays and push aside the housework... and just be. We decorated the house, baked cookies, fed the ducks at the pond, went to Skate Station (thank God for school coupons!) and watched The Price is Right every day. Pure bliss.
As I thought about that today I realized that, for the first time, I too was longing for a few extra days of school vacation. When I was able to focus on just them and not deadlines or anything, I could enjoy them so much more.
Sounds pretty logical, but it's amazing how much you miss in the heat of a tantrum. And I'm not talking about one thrown by the kids.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Jan. 4 - Armageddon is upon us
Today I learned that the Mayans are right. The world will end in 2012.
I know, I know - the end point of the Mayan calendar/timeline/whatever it is doesn't necessarily signal the actual end of the world. Many scholars think it simply notes the ushering in of a new era. Hell, until today my theory was that the guy making the timeline could have had a heart attack and dropped dead right at that point, and now everyone thinks it's a sign that Something Big Will Happen.
But that theory changed today. Because I saw this:
Kardashians Trying to Launch Kardashian-Themed Magazine
Yes. This is actually happening. I know the "source" is quoted on gossip websites, so perhaps there is hope for a denial by the freak circus. But really, does this sound out of character for the Kardashians? This is a family in which one sibling'sstaged union for profit marriage barely outlasted another sibling's stint on Dancing With The Stars.
You know, there was a simpler and happier time in life. A time when we passed paper notes to our classmates instead of texting them. A time when we didn't scour food labels for high fructose corn syrup and other evils. And a time when, God bless us, we didn't know what a Kardashian was.
But now? Now I can see the four horsemen on the horizon. And they speak in a nasal vocal fry with an upswing at the end that makes every sentence sounds like a drawn-out question. ("And so I told Scoooott? That he should be home with meeee? And the babyyyy?") They will dress all women in tacky clothing with pointy shoulder pads and apply mascara to them until they cannot blink - all the better to keep an eye on the men, who will have their faces smoothed over with wax so that only holes for eyes and nostrils are left. Because in the new Kardashian world they need not speak, lest the woman overlords are contested. They have come to judge the living and the dead, and their kingdom will have no end.
All I want is my handwritten notes? On paper folded into little triangles? So I can throw them across the classroom again?
Oh, great. It's already happening.
I know, I know - the end point of the Mayan calendar/timeline/whatever it is doesn't necessarily signal the actual end of the world. Many scholars think it simply notes the ushering in of a new era. Hell, until today my theory was that the guy making the timeline could have had a heart attack and dropped dead right at that point, and now everyone thinks it's a sign that Something Big Will Happen.
But that theory changed today. Because I saw this:
Kardashians Trying to Launch Kardashian-Themed Magazine
Yes. This is actually happening. I know the "source" is quoted on gossip websites, so perhaps there is hope for a denial by the freak circus. But really, does this sound out of character for the Kardashians? This is a family in which one sibling's
You know, there was a simpler and happier time in life. A time when we passed paper notes to our classmates instead of texting them. A time when we didn't scour food labels for high fructose corn syrup and other evils. And a time when, God bless us, we didn't know what a Kardashian was.
But now? Now I can see the four horsemen on the horizon. And they speak in a nasal vocal fry with an upswing at the end that makes every sentence sounds like a drawn-out question. ("And so I told Scoooott? That he should be home with meeee? And the babyyyy?") They will dress all women in tacky clothing with pointy shoulder pads and apply mascara to them until they cannot blink - all the better to keep an eye on the men, who will have their faces smoothed over with wax so that only holes for eyes and nostrils are left. Because in the new Kardashian world they need not speak, lest the woman overlords are contested. They have come to judge the living and the dead, and their kingdom will have no end.
All I want is my handwritten notes? On paper folded into little triangles? So I can throw them across the classroom again?
Oh, great. It's already happening.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Jan. 3 - Love and Marriage
Today I learned that Johnny Weir got married to his boyfriend on New Year's Eve.
Who is Johnny Weir, you say? He's a world-class figure skater who has competed in several Olympic games and won three U.S. championships. But he is probably known more for his preference for boas and the single red glove he calls "Camille."
While I'm thrilled that Johnny and his boyfriend are able to legally tie the knot, my main reason for this post isn't to further the cause of gay marriage. It's because gay or straight, I think the guy is hilarious. While he never publicly commented on his sexuality until his book came out last year, he never hid his true colors - and often was quite witty in his retorts to any criticism of them. My favorite quote of his is from several years ago, after he apparently caused a commotion after a press conference. At the time, he wrote the following on his blog:
See? Unabashedly fabulous. I wish them many years of happiness. And when they have their "second wedding" over the summer (as apparently this one was just for legalities), I want to see pictures. Because anyone who has as much fun with fashion and attitude as Johnny Weir is going to throw one hell of a party.
I just hope Camille is his maid of honor.
Who is Johnny Weir, you say? He's a world-class figure skater who has competed in several Olympic games and won three U.S. championships. But he is probably known more for his preference for boas and the single red glove he calls "Camille."
While I'm thrilled that Johnny and his boyfriend are able to legally tie the knot, my main reason for this post isn't to further the cause of gay marriage. It's because gay or straight, I think the guy is hilarious. While he never publicly commented on his sexuality until his book came out last year, he never hid his true colors - and often was quite witty in his retorts to any criticism of them. My favorite quote of his is from several years ago, after he apparently caused a commotion after a press conference. At the time, he wrote the following on his blog:
"The next morning the papers came out and all of a sudden I was causing a stir because I told Phil Hersh he looked thin and I was wearing a chinchilla scarf that someone thought was a boa. First of all, boas are so out. Secondly, I would never wear a boa to a press conference."
See? Unabashedly fabulous. I wish them many years of happiness. And when they have their "second wedding" over the summer (as apparently this one was just for legalities), I want to see pictures. Because anyone who has as much fun with fashion and attitude as Johnny Weir is going to throw one hell of a party.
I just hope Camille is his maid of honor.
Monday, January 2, 2012
January 2, 2012
Today I learned that Oregon is the new head of college football's House of Style. As it was, Maryland had already started the season with enough uniform components to put together 37 different looks for games. Seriously, has any team ever put more thought into what it wears? It takes real men to be that fashion forward.
But Oregon has upped the ante with this piece de la resistance, which they wore for the Rose Bowl today. Behold:
I. LOVE. THIS. It's protective headgear and your teammates can check their look in it. Although I have to admit, my first thought was this:
Still, it's pretty much awesome. And it confused Brent Musberger, which makes me love it more. Kudos for innovative fashion in the world of football. Now if we could only do something about golfing outfits...
But Oregon has upped the ante with this piece de la resistance, which they wore for the Rose Bowl today. Behold:
I. LOVE. THIS. It's protective headgear and your teammates can check their look in it. Although I have to admit, my first thought was this:
Still, it's pretty much awesome. And it confused Brent Musberger, which makes me love it more. Kudos for innovative fashion in the world of football. Now if we could only do something about golfing outfits...
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A new year brings a new name
Did you notice? :-)
Probably not, since I haven't posted in almost six months. But I realized that I need more of an impetus to blog than expressing moderate thoughts on politics, pop culture, my family, sports or whatever else comes to mind.
They say that there's a learning opportunity in everything one does, so I've decided to see if that's true. Each day I will write about at least one thing I have learned. Yes, each and every day. It might be something profound or something stupid, but I guarantee that it will be something I didn't know the day before.
So are you ready to learn with me?
Probably not, since I haven't posted in almost six months. But I realized that I need more of an impetus to blog than expressing moderate thoughts on politics, pop culture, my family, sports or whatever else comes to mind.
They say that there's a learning opportunity in everything one does, so I've decided to see if that's true. Each day I will write about at least one thing I have learned. Yes, each and every day. It might be something profound or something stupid, but I guarantee that it will be something I didn't know the day before.
So are you ready to learn with me?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Pinch me. Please.
I am happy today. Because I saw this:
First, the movie itself should be good. Second, anything with Christoper Walken is worth the price of admission. He makes an appearance in an attraction at Universal Studios Florida that would otherwise suck but is brilliant thanks to how he says "Hello" to the audience. (He does more than that - but he had me at "Hello.") Now he plays Zeus? Just awesome.
Mostly, though, I am happy because this will make a hell of a red carpet for the premiere. Think about it - Walken, Edie Falco, John Turturro, Phylicia Rashad and... wait for it...
Sharon Stone.
Yes, Sharon F-ing Stone will play Aphrodite in this movie. And then she'll walk the red carpet for that. I am dying to see what kind of crazy she brings for that, the contrast when Edie rocks it as she usually does, and the "WOW-uh" from Christopher for each.
I wonder if the gods like the sound of cowbell.
Christopher Walken Will Play Zeus in Modern Day Comedy Gods Behaving Badly
First, the movie itself should be good. Second, anything with Christoper Walken is worth the price of admission. He makes an appearance in an attraction at Universal Studios Florida that would otherwise suck but is brilliant thanks to how he says "Hello" to the audience. (He does more than that - but he had me at "Hello.") Now he plays Zeus? Just awesome.
Mostly, though, I am happy because this will make a hell of a red carpet for the premiere. Think about it - Walken, Edie Falco, John Turturro, Phylicia Rashad and... wait for it...
Sharon Stone.
Yes, Sharon F-ing Stone will play Aphrodite in this movie. And then she'll walk the red carpet for that. I am dying to see what kind of crazy she brings for that, the contrast when Edie rocks it as she usually does, and the "WOW-uh" from Christopher for each.
I wonder if the gods like the sound of cowbell.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Keep in touch... or else...
As Ferris Bueller once said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Lucky for you guys I have time on my hands to piss away hours on the Internet, so I can show you the stuff you might not catch.
Or maybe you're not so lucky.
Yahoo loves to put quirky stuff on its email login page. Some of it's funny or just plain weird. But recently they've stepped over that line into Creepy territory. Behold:
At first glance it seems to be a normal suburban scene - an all-American boy complete with baseball cap and faithful dog. The boy is tapping away on a computer, presumably sending a silly video to his buddies or perhaps writing to grandma on that new-fangled email. The pastoral setting of his neighborhood frames the scene. Very nice, very nice.
But look to the left:
The centered picture is apparently an alternate universe set up by the parents. Because here it appears that the boy and dog are now underground tugging at a giant ball of twine. A tunnel from the house above is clearly seen, as is another tunnel to his right that leads further down into the ground. Is he being punished? Was our boy actually surfing porn instead of emailing grandma like he was supposed to, and now must communicate using only tin cans and string (which, I guess, he's building underground)? Or maybe he'll use the line to repel down the tunnel - a possibility if his dog has told him that Timmy fell in the well.
But this isn't the worst. Look to the right of the login box:
What the hell is this? We seem to have roots spelling "I miss you" (no trees, mind you, just roots) under another lovely neighborhood home. And a subterranean lair - apparently with no exit or entrance - containing what appears to be a turkey reading a book in the most depressing kitchen that ever existed. I especially like the window on the right hand side. It gives a great view of the dirt.
Is this my future if I don't keep in touch with my loved ones? Sheesh...
Or maybe you're not so lucky.
Yahoo loves to put quirky stuff on its email login page. Some of it's funny or just plain weird. But recently they've stepped over that line into Creepy territory. Behold:
At first glance it seems to be a normal suburban scene - an all-American boy complete with baseball cap and faithful dog. The boy is tapping away on a computer, presumably sending a silly video to his buddies or perhaps writing to grandma on that new-fangled email. The pastoral setting of his neighborhood frames the scene. Very nice, very nice.
But look to the left:
The centered picture is apparently an alternate universe set up by the parents. Because here it appears that the boy and dog are now underground tugging at a giant ball of twine. A tunnel from the house above is clearly seen, as is another tunnel to his right that leads further down into the ground. Is he being punished? Was our boy actually surfing porn instead of emailing grandma like he was supposed to, and now must communicate using only tin cans and string (which, I guess, he's building underground)? Or maybe he'll use the line to repel down the tunnel - a possibility if his dog has told him that Timmy fell in the well.
But this isn't the worst. Look to the right of the login box:
What the hell is this? We seem to have roots spelling "I miss you" (no trees, mind you, just roots) under another lovely neighborhood home. And a subterranean lair - apparently with no exit or entrance - containing what appears to be a turkey reading a book in the most depressing kitchen that ever existed. I especially like the window on the right hand side. It gives a great view of the dirt.
Is this my future if I don't keep in touch with my loved ones? Sheesh...
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