I know, I know - the end point of the Mayan calendar/timeline/whatever it is doesn't necessarily signal the actual end of the world. Many scholars think it simply notes the ushering in of a new era. Hell, until today my theory was that the guy making the timeline could have had a heart attack and dropped dead right at that point, and now everyone thinks it's a sign that Something Big Will Happen.
But that theory changed today. Because I saw this:
Kardashians Trying to Launch Kardashian-Themed Magazine
Yes. This is actually happening. I know the "source" is quoted on gossip websites, so perhaps there is hope for a denial by the freak circus. But really, does this sound out of character for the Kardashians? This is a family in which one sibling's
You know, there was a simpler and happier time in life. A time when we passed paper notes to our classmates instead of texting them. A time when we didn't scour food labels for high fructose corn syrup and other evils. And a time when, God bless us, we didn't know what a Kardashian was.
But now? Now I can see the four horsemen on the horizon. And they speak in a nasal vocal fry with an upswing at the end that makes every sentence sounds like a drawn-out question. ("And so I told Scoooott? That he should be home with meeee? And the babyyyy?") They will dress all women in tacky clothing with pointy shoulder pads and apply mascara to them until they cannot blink - all the better to keep an eye on the men, who will have their faces smoothed over with wax so that only holes for eyes and nostrils are left. Because in the new Kardashian world they need not speak, lest the woman overlords are contested. They have come to judge the living and the dead, and their kingdom will have no end.
All I want is my handwritten notes? On paper folded into little triangles? So I can throw them across the classroom again?
Oh, great. It's already happening.
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