... and more glittery than ever! Despite the absence of Derek Hough's teeth, the blinding cheese that is Dancing With The Stars returned to my TV last night. And yes, I couldn't be happier.
First up, Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas. And I think I may have tuned into the wrong show, because Chelsea senses an "instant connection" with Mark as he talks about how "young and cute" his new partner is. Am I watching The Bachelor? Because if this is any indication, I really don't want to see their rumba. After all, Mark's father is Corky Ballas - the man who turned a Beatles hit and a TV mother-icon into our worst nightmare.
Anywho, Chelsea and Mark dance the foxtrot and it's pretty cute. She's not very smooth and kind of throws herself around a bit, but she's got spunk and the two seem to enjoy themselves. They wind up with three 7s, and with the Disney voting contingent behind her she'll likely stick around for a few weeks.
Next we have Wendy Williams and Tony Dovolani. Like most of you, I know of Wendy mainly because of Joel McHale and The Soup. I find her a lot more likable in her own context though, because she fully embraces the crazy as part of who she is.
Which is why her cha cha is terribly disappointing. I don't expect her to be a great dancer, but I do expect a lot more fun. Here she looks like the reluctant dance partner at a wedding reception where she needs a lot more to drink before she becomes the sweaty, gyrating mess that everyone else is waiting for. And she's almost half a beat behind Tony. That's not the worst, though - the worst is when she gets her scores (5, 4, 5) and actually looks a little pissed. Did she honestly think it was better than that?
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson are next. My unhealthy knowledge of E! personalities comes through when I comment to my husband that Hines looks a bit like Jo Koy. He also seems pretty friendly and hard-working, which always earns points with me. Their cha cha... fun, and better than I thought. But dude has no hip action whatsoever, and I'm surprised the judges didn't ding him much for it. That's got to change or he won't be around for long, despite the three 7s that he got for the routine.
Okay, Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Idontcareenoughtolookuphislastnaame are up with a foxtrot. And I hope she shows more identifying traits than "supermodel" and "tsunami survivor." Not that I knock either one, especially the second - but Dmitry bores me to tears so I need someone fun to offset that. Their foxtrot is kind of decent, very safe (apparently her injuries limit her flexibility, so that will be tough later on) and they look lovely, but not enough to get past three 6s. No wow factor, but I would like to see if she comes out a little more. My worry here, though, is that she'll get lost in the voting shuffle a la Paulina Porizkova four years ago.
Now we have Romeo and Chelsie Hightower. Right away we see that Romeo is willing to work way harder than his dad, or at the very least will wear the proper shoes. And he obviously has some natural talent to move. Unfortunately he did inherit his dad's pride, in the form of "I don't want to look like an idiot." And in dancing, an attempt to prevent yourself from looking like an idiot actually makes you look more like an idiot than if you actually do what you're told. This is what happens during his cha cha - when he forgets to try and look cool, he dances better. Otherwise he looks pervy and awkward. He winds up with a 7 and two 6s, but I think he can do a lot better if he gets over himself.
Next, Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna Trebunskaya do a foxtrot. The first thing I notice, sadly, is Anna's wild Peg-Bundy-without-bangs bouffant that is absolutely awful. Paired with her fuschia dress (which, I'm sorry, but redheads should not wear fuscia. Ever.) and it has to be a bid to distract us from Ray's dancing. Which... yeah, it's bad. I hate to say it, because he seems so sweet. He does have some good moments when not in hold and is having a good time. But he's really stiff and not musical at all. The judges give him a 5 and two 6s. He'll get by on nostalgia/sympathy for a little while but this wasn't a good start.
And now, Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Amstel. They seem to get along great in rehearsal, with Kendra gamely acknowledging her less-than-prim claims to fame. And boy, she looks terrific. But her cha cha... a disappointment. Not terrible in the least, and she can move her ass just fine. But she's dancing in her head and either mouthing the words to the song or counting out loud, tough to say. Still, lots of potential. Plus according to the judges, Louis' choreography was very difficult for this stage in the game. So I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt along with her three 6s.
Ahhh, Ralph Macchio. The original Karate Kid and, apparently, discoverer of the fountain of youth. Yet for all the discussion about how he's pushing 50 but looks about 35, we still get him talking about bad backs and wheelchairs. (Plus, can someone PLEASE do something with his hair? It's like an 80s yearbook photo for a freshman on the tennis team.) Still he's quite charming and sweet, and he and Karina Smirnoff seem to enjoy their rehearsals. And his foxtrot... seriously awesome. He has a few missteps and wobbles, but the part they dance out of hold makes me think of a shorter Fred Astaire. I'm not even exaggerating. It's a fantastic routine and the crowd eats it up. Three 8s for his first go around.
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke get to follow that act. Chris is actually kind of hot, but he has that wrestler intensity that creeps just under the surface. You know, the mouth is smiling but the eyes are figuring out which way to bash you over the head with a chair? Freaky. Their cha cha is a bit clunky, with Cheryl doing the potted-plant treatment with him (she dances circles around him while he stands there) so I'm not sure what kind of dancer he really is. But Cheryl usually likes to challenge her partners, so that can't be a good sign. He has a 7 and two 6s for the effort, which I think is a tad overscored.
Mike Catherwood(who?) and Lacey Schwimmer are up now and... oh, Lacey. We all know last year's bleach job was horrible, but for the love of God chop off the dead half of your hair and dye the rest of it whatever color you're going for. I know the slightly-trashy-dark-roots look is kind of in right now, but they're not supposed to be six inches out from your head. That is seriously awful.
Oh yeah, she has a partner. Is it me, is Mike kind of like a taller Hal Sparks? He has the same voice, facial expressions and self-deprecation going on. How's his dancing? Umm... pretty bad. He's trying hard and seems like a nice guy, but he has no musicality whatsoever, and the foxtrot is not the dance for that (not that any dance is... but the foxtrot makes it far worse). He looks really bummed about his scores (5, 4, 4). I hope he improves because he seems pretty earnest, but barring a miracle for the second dance you have my prediction for the first exit of the season.
Finally, the pair everyone has been waiting for - Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy. My initial prediction about this pairing was that Kirstie would drive Maks nuts with her neuroses. And she still just might, but for now apparently they spend rehearsals cracking each other up. I'm getting a really great vibe from these two.
Their cha cha... holy crap, girl is ON! She nails her steps, she moves very quickly yet still pretty controlled, and she actually makes it look easy. She and Maks are having a lot of fun and she is really, really good. I am seriously surprised here. Loved, loved, LOVED this routine! And so did the judges, who gave her two 8s and a 7. If this continues, it'd be fun to see Kirstie and Ralph in the finals - because the added bonus would be the face off between bitter exes Maks and Karina. Muahahaha....
No elimination this week - next Monday each couple dances again, then next Tuesday is the first elimination. Stay tuned!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
A new season of DWTS? Yep, I'm on it.
Ah, the familiar sounds of spring - birds chirping, mowers mowing, heels clicking on the dance floor. It's time for another round of Dancing With The Stars, and count my dorky self among those who waited anxiously for the cast announcement this week. This time around we're facing a competition without a Hough sibling - something that hasn't happened since Season 3. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your tolerance for excessive camera mugging and attention-hog shenanigans.
Now that the celebrities (a term that can actually be used this season) have been paired with their pros, let's begin the speculation!
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy - Well well well, they finally got her! After several requests from the producers, Ms. Alley herself is bringing her own brand of loopy insanity to the ballroom. But I think the best part of this is that she's paired with Maks. And as we all know, Maks no likey the crazy (see Debi Mazar, Denise Richards). This could be fun to watch, but sadly I get the feeling that our favorite Scientologist will not catch on quickly. Combine that with her partner's impatience and I'm sensing an early "shocker" send off a la David Hasselhoff. Please let me be wrong. Please.
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin - I love how one press account says this about Petra's casting - "A model previously linked to James Blunt and Sean Penn." I understand that it's modeling, but can we at least talk about where her image has appeared or who has photographed her? No? Only who she's banged? Lovely, press. Just for that I'm pulling for her. But I hope she's fun to watch, because Dmitry has about as much personality as my kitchen sponge.
Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff - While some 80s heartthrobs have become coke-fueled polygamist tigers with fire breathing fists (I swear I'm not making this up), Ralph Macchio has quietly gone about his life. Now known as a nice family guy who performed with the national touring production of the musical How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, he apparently has at least some dancing ability to go with his Karate Kid prowess. It's exactly the easygoing nature that can respond well to Karina's spitfire direction without taking it personally. He just might live to incorporate the Crane move in his freestyle.
Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna Trebunskaya - We cover the "legendary athlete" and "old-ish guy" slots in one fell swoop here. Leonard could move in the boxing ring and he'll be used to Anna's tough training style. But will he be able to express emotion through a face that seems Botoxed into the next decade?
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke - I've heard this guy's name in WWE news/discussion so I know he exists. Aaaaaand that's about it. But if he has even the remotest sense of rhythm and musicality, Cheryl can take him farther than most would (see Maurice Green).
Kendra Wilkinson and Louis van Amstel - Out of the three Girls Next Door, Kendra was my least favorite. With her obnoxious laugh and bitchy demeanor, I never thought she fit in with the sweet natures of Holly and Bridget. And when she got her own show I thought, "I'll never watch that crap." But I did. And... dammit, I liked her. She's so much happier and nicer with Hank, but still has that Kendra personality. She can move incredibly well and is paired with a genial yet hard-driving pro in Louis - if he gives her the right choreography, she's a lock for the finals.
Wendy Williams and Tony Dovolani - Poor Tony. He gets a great partner last fall, only to get torpedoed by the Bristol Palin Juggernaut far too soon. And now he has Wendy Williams, who along with Kirstie Alley will amp the crazy woman quotient the likes of which we've never seen. Unlike Maks, however, Tony has a more patient nature. If Wendy can move at all, she could make it for a few weeks on sheer entertainment value. At least that's what Joel McHale hopes.
Romeo and Chelsie Hightower - Let's hope the apple falls reeeeeeaaaaally far from the tree. Romeo's dad is the infamous Master P, a season 2 participant who perhaps was the worst and least enthusiastic contestant in DWTS history. (Although in his defense he was subbing for Romeo, who was originally slated for that season but got injured and had to withdraw.) Good-natured Chelsie has yet to get a partner with a natural feel for dance, so here's hoping Romeo breaks that streak for her.
Disney actress Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas - My two children have watched the Disney Channel for several years, which means of course that I can quote countless episodes of Hannah Montana and Suite Life On Deck. Yet I have no idea who Chelsea Kane is. I'm sorry, but that's pretty telling. She's partnered with Mark, who is perhaps my least favorite pro. Two strikes already for me. But Disney princesses are generally the singing-acting-dancing triple threat that stage mothers push into show business in the hopes of reclaiming their own lost glory. So unless this girl is a complete bitch, she probably has the skills to stick around for at least half the competition.
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson - He's great on my fantasy football team, but will he bring down Team Cha Cha Cha? Football players historically do well on this show, ranging from respectable finishes to championships. And Kym's back after having been pawed by Uncle Bad Touch in a mercifully short stint by David Hasselhoff. Hopefully Hines will be a bit more serious of a competitor for her.
“Psycho” Mike Catherwood and Lacey Schwimmer - No idea who this guy is. But my general rule is if you have to add an adjective to your name, you're probably not that adjective - you just like to think you are. At least he's handsome, so he's got the eye-candy factor going for him. He also has Lacey, who in my opinion is the best at tailoring choreography to a contestant's personality and strengths. Could be a dark horse for the season if he has the charisma to win over people who have never heard of him. It's been done before, most recently by Kyle Massey when he was paired with... yep, Lacey.
So what do you think? Any thoughts or early predictions? Let me know!
Now that the celebrities (a term that can actually be used this season) have been paired with their pros, let's begin the speculation!
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy - Well well well, they finally got her! After several requests from the producers, Ms. Alley herself is bringing her own brand of loopy insanity to the ballroom. But I think the best part of this is that she's paired with Maks. And as we all know, Maks no likey the crazy (see Debi Mazar, Denise Richards). This could be fun to watch, but sadly I get the feeling that our favorite Scientologist will not catch on quickly. Combine that with her partner's impatience and I'm sensing an early "shocker" send off a la David Hasselhoff. Please let me be wrong. Please.
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin - I love how one press account says this about Petra's casting - "A model previously linked to James Blunt and Sean Penn." I understand that it's modeling, but can we at least talk about where her image has appeared or who has photographed her? No? Only who she's banged? Lovely, press. Just for that I'm pulling for her. But I hope she's fun to watch, because Dmitry has about as much personality as my kitchen sponge.
Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff - While some 80s heartthrobs have become coke-fueled polygamist tigers with fire breathing fists (I swear I'm not making this up), Ralph Macchio has quietly gone about his life. Now known as a nice family guy who performed with the national touring production of the musical How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, he apparently has at least some dancing ability to go with his Karate Kid prowess. It's exactly the easygoing nature that can respond well to Karina's spitfire direction without taking it personally. He just might live to incorporate the Crane move in his freestyle.
Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna Trebunskaya - We cover the "legendary athlete" and "old-ish guy" slots in one fell swoop here. Leonard could move in the boxing ring and he'll be used to Anna's tough training style. But will he be able to express emotion through a face that seems Botoxed into the next decade?
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke - I've heard this guy's name in WWE news/discussion so I know he exists. Aaaaaand that's about it. But if he has even the remotest sense of rhythm and musicality, Cheryl can take him farther than most would (see Maurice Green).
Kendra Wilkinson and Louis van Amstel - Out of the three Girls Next Door, Kendra was my least favorite. With her obnoxious laugh and bitchy demeanor, I never thought she fit in with the sweet natures of Holly and Bridget. And when she got her own show I thought, "I'll never watch that crap." But I did. And... dammit, I liked her. She's so much happier and nicer with Hank, but still has that Kendra personality. She can move incredibly well and is paired with a genial yet hard-driving pro in Louis - if he gives her the right choreography, she's a lock for the finals.
Wendy Williams and Tony Dovolani - Poor Tony. He gets a great partner last fall, only to get torpedoed by the Bristol Palin Juggernaut far too soon. And now he has Wendy Williams, who along with Kirstie Alley will amp the crazy woman quotient the likes of which we've never seen. Unlike Maks, however, Tony has a more patient nature. If Wendy can move at all, she could make it for a few weeks on sheer entertainment value. At least that's what Joel McHale hopes.
Romeo and Chelsie Hightower - Let's hope the apple falls reeeeeeaaaaally far from the tree. Romeo's dad is the infamous Master P, a season 2 participant who perhaps was the worst and least enthusiastic contestant in DWTS history. (Although in his defense he was subbing for Romeo, who was originally slated for that season but got injured and had to withdraw.) Good-natured Chelsie has yet to get a partner with a natural feel for dance, so here's hoping Romeo breaks that streak for her.
Disney actress Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas - My two children have watched the Disney Channel for several years, which means of course that I can quote countless episodes of Hannah Montana and Suite Life On Deck. Yet I have no idea who Chelsea Kane is. I'm sorry, but that's pretty telling. She's partnered with Mark, who is perhaps my least favorite pro. Two strikes already for me. But Disney princesses are generally the singing-acting-dancing triple threat that stage mothers push into show business in the hopes of reclaiming their own lost glory. So unless this girl is a complete bitch, she probably has the skills to stick around for at least half the competition.
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson - He's great on my fantasy football team, but will he bring down Team Cha Cha Cha? Football players historically do well on this show, ranging from respectable finishes to championships. And Kym's back after having been pawed by Uncle Bad Touch in a mercifully short stint by David Hasselhoff. Hopefully Hines will be a bit more serious of a competitor for her.
“Psycho” Mike Catherwood and Lacey Schwimmer - No idea who this guy is. But my general rule is if you have to add an adjective to your name, you're probably not that adjective - you just like to think you are. At least he's handsome, so he's got the eye-candy factor going for him. He also has Lacey, who in my opinion is the best at tailoring choreography to a contestant's personality and strengths. Could be a dark horse for the season if he has the charisma to win over people who have never heard of him. It's been done before, most recently by Kyle Massey when he was paired with... yep, Lacey.
So what do you think? Any thoughts or early predictions? Let me know!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Proof that I think too much
A conversation between me and my 7-year-old daughter yesterday.
Her: Mommy, which is faster, hot or cold?
Me: I'm not sure - what do you mean by faster?
Her: I mean... (sigh)... I don't know - which is faster? Hot or cold?
Me: (Thinking she learned something in science, maybe?) Well, it depends. I know that molecules move faster in heat, so maybe hot. But do you mean that or something else?
Her: (sighs with exasperation) - NO, Mommy. Heat is faster, because you can CATCH a cold!
I ruined her joke. Mother of the year here!
Her: Mommy, which is faster, hot or cold?
Me: I'm not sure - what do you mean by faster?
Her: I mean... (sigh)... I don't know - which is faster? Hot or cold?
Me: (Thinking she learned something in science, maybe?) Well, it depends. I know that molecules move faster in heat, so maybe hot. But do you mean that or something else?
Her: (sighs with exasperation) - NO, Mommy. Heat is faster, because you can CATCH a cold!
I ruined her joke. Mother of the year here!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The grinch's heart grew two sizes today... and then broke
Okay, typically I'm not a big sap when my kids show signs of growing up. More than once I've heard from other mom friends, "Why can't they stay little forever?" but I've never been able to wrap my head around the sentiment.
Case in point - a coworker/friend at my old job came to work the day her first child started kindergarten, and as she told me about drop-off I could hear the sadness in her voice. Having experienced this milestone with my older child I tried to comfort and encourage her, telling her how much fun her son will have and how cool it will be to see what he learns every day (all of which is completely true). And I almost had her, dammit - until another coworker came by and asked what was wrong. When we explained, she immediately took my friend in her arms and howled, "Oh NO! I'm so sorry..." as if her son needed a heart transplant. And they both proceeded to cry.
I have tried to cry. I have tried to feel that Mommy-isn't-needed sadness. But to me, milestones like this are a thing of joy and beauty. Sure, it means that they don't stay little forever. It also means I don't have to pay for daycare forever, cut their meat forever, tie their shoes forever, cart them around to sports/rehearsals/friends' houses forever, etc. Even more importantly, I get to bear witness as they become who they are destined to be. With each passing year I see more clearly the kind of person they are and what they might do once they go out into the world. It fills me with pride and makes me hopeful as their generation inches closer and closer to leading us.
So you can imagine my surprise this morning when I asked my sixth-grade son if he wants me to chaperone his trip to the Medieval Faire in a couple of weeks. Normally with both of my kids, the mere hint that I'll chaperone a field trip elicits whooping and hollering and enthusiastic thank yous from whichever offspring I have asked. This morning, however, was not like other mornings.
Me: Here's the field trip form for the Medieval Faire - want me to chaperone? (poises pen to check "Yes" on the form)
Him: (hesitates) Oh, yeah. Um. Well...
Wow.
He doesn't want me to go. And it's quite obvious.
So I nonchalantly put the pen down and say, "That's okay. You can think about it for a day or so; it's not due until Thursday."
Yeah, that didn't seem to make him any more comfortable. So now it's really obvious that he doesn't want me there, but he's trying to not come out and say it because he doesn't want to disappoint me. I assure him that if he'd rather I not go on this trip, he can just say so and I'm completely fine with it.
So... he does. In a very sweet and considerate way, but he does. And I have to admit, it made me pretty sad.
Granted, I'm still trying to figure out if it's because my presence is no longer wanted by my son, or if I'd rather pay the $5 chaperone admission price for the Faire instead of the ridiculous $14 they normally charge. But I'm guessing it's more the former. And yes - it hurts.
Still, it's a sign that he's finding his own way. Becoming his own person. And the way I see it, if they don't become more independent over time, then I'm not doing my job.
Now that would make me cry.
Case in point - a coworker/friend at my old job came to work the day her first child started kindergarten, and as she told me about drop-off I could hear the sadness in her voice. Having experienced this milestone with my older child I tried to comfort and encourage her, telling her how much fun her son will have and how cool it will be to see what he learns every day (all of which is completely true). And I almost had her, dammit - until another coworker came by and asked what was wrong. When we explained, she immediately took my friend in her arms and howled, "Oh NO! I'm so sorry..." as if her son needed a heart transplant. And they both proceeded to cry.
I have tried to cry. I have tried to feel that Mommy-isn't-needed sadness. But to me, milestones like this are a thing of joy and beauty. Sure, it means that they don't stay little forever. It also means I don't have to pay for daycare forever, cut their meat forever, tie their shoes forever, cart them around to sports/rehearsals/friends' houses forever, etc. Even more importantly, I get to bear witness as they become who they are destined to be. With each passing year I see more clearly the kind of person they are and what they might do once they go out into the world. It fills me with pride and makes me hopeful as their generation inches closer and closer to leading us.
So you can imagine my surprise this morning when I asked my sixth-grade son if he wants me to chaperone his trip to the Medieval Faire in a couple of weeks. Normally with both of my kids, the mere hint that I'll chaperone a field trip elicits whooping and hollering and enthusiastic thank yous from whichever offspring I have asked. This morning, however, was not like other mornings.
Me: Here's the field trip form for the Medieval Faire - want me to chaperone? (poises pen to check "Yes" on the form)
Him: (hesitates) Oh, yeah. Um. Well...
Wow.
He doesn't want me to go. And it's quite obvious.
So I nonchalantly put the pen down and say, "That's okay. You can think about it for a day or so; it's not due until Thursday."
Yeah, that didn't seem to make him any more comfortable. So now it's really obvious that he doesn't want me there, but he's trying to not come out and say it because he doesn't want to disappoint me. I assure him that if he'd rather I not go on this trip, he can just say so and I'm completely fine with it.
So... he does. In a very sweet and considerate way, but he does. And I have to admit, it made me pretty sad.
Granted, I'm still trying to figure out if it's because my presence is no longer wanted by my son, or if I'd rather pay the $5 chaperone admission price for the Faire instead of the ridiculous $14 they normally charge. But I'm guessing it's more the former. And yes - it hurts.
Still, it's a sign that he's finding his own way. Becoming his own person. And the way I see it, if they don't become more independent over time, then I'm not doing my job.
Now that would make me cry.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
We have hit a new low, America
I have a newfound sadness for our country. Why do I say this? Is it because we're fighting each other over whose political rhetoric is worse instead of mourning six people who have died and praying for those injured? Is it because we have scores of birds and fish dying for no apparent reason? Is it because there are so few jobs out there and so many people who need them?
No. It is because of this:
This is a new product called Forever Lazy. It is described as "adult footed pajamas" (not sure why, since they seem to end at the ankle), and they come in four colors with names like, "Asleep on the Job Grey" and "Hanky Panky Fuschia."
These seem to be made for people who think that a blanket - even one with sleeves - is too darn complicated to use. And they show actors wearing them while studying, having coffee on a deck outside and playing with animals. My favorite is when they're tailgating before a football game. Yes, outside. In public. They look like Teletubbies on a bender.
But, you ask, what if you have to go to the bathroom? (By the way, that question makes you smarter than anyone who would buy Forever Lazy.) No problem, because - I kid you not - they have included strategically placed zippers for such an occasion. Witness:
I'll give you a minute to erase that thought from your brain.
Go ahead, I'll wait.
Ready to move on? Good. So there you have it. The decline of western civilization has begun with what amounts to a fleece prison jumpsuit. Awesome.
No. It is because of this:
This is a new product called Forever Lazy. It is described as "adult footed pajamas" (not sure why, since they seem to end at the ankle), and they come in four colors with names like, "Asleep on the Job Grey" and "Hanky Panky Fuschia."
These seem to be made for people who think that a blanket - even one with sleeves - is too darn complicated to use. And they show actors wearing them while studying, having coffee on a deck outside and playing with animals. My favorite is when they're tailgating before a football game. Yes, outside. In public. They look like Teletubbies on a bender.
But, you ask, what if you have to go to the bathroom? (By the way, that question makes you smarter than anyone who would buy Forever Lazy.) No problem, because - I kid you not - they have included strategically placed zippers for such an occasion. Witness:
I'll give you a minute to erase that thought from your brain.
Go ahead, I'll wait.
Ready to move on? Good. So there you have it. The decline of western civilization has begun with what amounts to a fleece prison jumpsuit. Awesome.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Holy Inappropriate, Batman...
I'm on the reader panel for a national magazine, and several times a month they send us questions to answer for upcoming issues. But today, I get an email from them titled:
Which cartoon character do YOU have a crush on?
Um... okay, I know sometimes an actor on a kid's show might catch our cougar-mom eyes. We're human. Totally understandable.
But a cartoon character? Count me in as morbidly curious. So I open the email and read:
"Do you sometimes watch Blues Clues with your kids just to check out Joe's sexy smile, or secretly wish the Man With the Yellow Hat on Curious George was real? Confess here: Which kids-TV star (real or animated!) do YOU have a crush on? Send your answers (include your age and city) and your answer could appear in a future issue."
I'm sorry... the Man with the Yellow Hat? Are we now so pathetic that we're lusting after a guy who lives with a monkey and dresses like a banana? (And how coincidental is that, huh?) Oh yeah, and he's NOT REAL?
Ew. Just... ew.
Which cartoon character do YOU have a crush on?
Um... okay, I know sometimes an actor on a kid's show might catch our cougar-mom eyes. We're human. Totally understandable.
But a cartoon character? Count me in as morbidly curious. So I open the email and read:
"Do you sometimes watch Blues Clues with your kids just to check out Joe's sexy smile, or secretly wish the Man With the Yellow Hat on Curious George was real? Confess here: Which kids-TV star (real or animated!) do YOU have a crush on? Send your answers (include your age and city) and your answer could appear in a future issue."
I'm sorry... the Man with the Yellow Hat? Are we now so pathetic that we're lusting after a guy who lives with a monkey and dresses like a banana? (And how coincidental is that, huh?) Oh yeah, and he's NOT REAL?
Ew. Just... ew.
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