Today I learned that no matter how tired I am, and no matter how disgusted I am with the state of politics... I'll still watch the State of the Union address.
Why do I do this? Because I'm a dumbass. It's the same rah-rah crap every year (albeit more palatable without Pelosi smarming in the background). I rarely learn anything. And I'm always vaguely reminded of Catholic mass.
Instead, I find it far more interesting to passively listen to what the president says while observing the goings-on around him. So if you were actually paying attention to the jabber between the cheers (or Bronx cheers), let me fill you in on the good stuff.
1) Soon after I tune in, I realize that I’ve got it on a Fox station when Shepherd Smith is on my screen. (Is it me, or does he look suddenly alien with his gaunt face and wide-set almond shaped eyes?) Anyway, the only thing I find more offensive than Fox news broadcasts are those by MSNBC. So I’m about to change the channel when...
2) The female correspondent Smith cuts to says that Michelle Obama will have “several people in her box tonight.” She’s speaking, of course, of the guests she will sit with during the speech. But my inner 12-year-old is quite pleased, and my clicker stays put.
3) The president’s arrival is announced, and after two minutes he's maybe halfway down the aisle. We are told some members of Congress arrive hours early to get those seats so they can grab Obama’s ear and push their agendas. Wow - that explains so much. Like why they don't get anything done. "Sure, I'd love to pass this bill to create a million jobs, but the SOTU is in three days and I gotta pack the tent." I can only imagine what they go through for Black Friday.
4) Ruth Bader Ginsberg looks like a cross between Joe Paterno and my mother-in-law. Weird.
5) Great moment of the night - the cheers as Obama sweetly hugs Gabby Giffords. If that didn't make you smile, your heart is made of... no, wait - you don't have one.
6) Just before he speaks, Obama gives Joe Biden and John Boehner what appear to be large greeting cards in yellow envelopes. I'm guessing they're copies of his speech, but it's much more fun to think they'll open them up and get a great Hoops and Yo-Yo bit. Or maybe Biden's is a get well card; between the handkerchief he pulls out, the red nose and the coughing, he doesn't look too hot.
7) Michelle Obama feels exactly the same way about her husband’s jokes as the rest of us feel about our own husbands’ jokes. The president mocked someone's comparison of oil to milk, then mentioned how it was okay to "cry over spilled milk" in that case. The good God, baby, you did not just say that look on the First Lady's face was priceless. Yes, honey. We've been there. We feel your pain.
8) "Spot the Republicans" is a lot harder now that Congress has decided to sit together. Oh, that's just great. The one time these bozos can agree on something it screws up my fun. Maybe I should just welcome the new challenge?
9) Wow, Obama finished maybe five minutes ago and the lights are already off in the House chamber. And we know that can only mean one thing...
PARTY AT BIDEN'S!
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